Thanksgiving has, for some time now, been the recipient of a perplexing amount of disrespect.
First, greedy Christmas just can’t wait its turn anymore. Yuletide decorations pop up earlier and earlier each year. In fact, I saw in-store promos this August — for Christmas 2019!
The Hallmark Channel doesn’t help, with its admittedly delightful and impressively endless catalog of Christmas films. But good grief, there’s no need to start that churn before I arise from my Thanksgiving Day food coma.
As soon as the door is slammed in the last trick-or-treater’s face, it seems, people are like, “GET THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.”
To which I say, “O RLY?! Aren’t we forgetting something?”
The crescendos of Halloween —> #TurkeySZN —> Christmas —> New Year’s are perfectly laid out for a good three months of peak festivity. WHY RUIN IT??
Also, while we’re here, stay in your lane, BLACK FRIDAY.
Even the people who enjoy the awesome aspects of Thanksgiving (which are all of the aspects) are being rude. Is the name change to “Friendsgiving” truly necessary? I mean, why not just be thankful for friends on, uh, Thanksgiving? This isn’t an American Idol audition. You don’t have to make the holiday “your own.”
What’s next? “Thxgiving” or “Thanks + Giving.” STOP TRYING TO DISRUPT THANKSGIVING, MILLENNIALS.
And why all of these slights? What has Thanksgiving ever done aside from be awesome? Let’s consider some of the highlights:
Strip malls. Centres. Shoppes. Plazas. Whatever name you choose, there are a plenty of them — and a lot of gratuitous e’s — in Mount Pleasant. We’ve rounded up the MOST essential retail hubs that you totes gotta visit.
Here’s part I:
Star Tenant: Harris Teeter … Hey, did you know there are SEVEN Harris Teeters east of the Cooper River? That is an actual fact. Watering Hole: Starbucks Good Eats: Is Moe’s technically in Village Pointe? Who knows! Ali Baba and China East complete a world of flavors, we guess. Also Appearing: Minuteman Press (give them your printing business), Gwynn’s of Mount Pleasant, Rite-Aid
Fancy E: Yes
PATRIOTS PLAZA Navigating to Staples will have you saying, “Hey, parking here is not easy.”
Star Tenant: Whole Foods … Despite the nearby plethora of Harris Teeters, Whole Foods is forever the Official Grocery Store of Mount Pleasant. Side note: The average household income within a 1-mile radius of Patriots Plaza is $111,137 — almost enough to cover one Whole Foods run per month. Good Eats: Graze, Aya Cookhouse Also Appearing: Staples, Party Plan-It, Causey’s Barbershop Fancy E: No
JOHNNIE DODDS BOULEVARD
THE PLAZA AT EAST COOPER The prepositional usage makes no sense here. Neither did the decision to replace Pinz Bowling and More with an Aldi. =( … Interesting fact: The Plaza was also until very recently home of Radio Shack. Star Tenant: The aforementioned Aldi. Watering Hole: None
Good Eats: Pattaya Thai (?) Also Appearing: Firehouse Subs, Batteries Plus Bulbs, Pivotal Fitness Fancy E: No
BI-LO SHOPPING CENTER Star Tenant: Bi-Lo Good Eats: Langdon’s Restaurant & Wine Bar, arguably Mount Pleasant’s fanciest restaurant. Watering Hole:Collective Coffee, voted Best Mount Pleasant Coffee Shop — by the staff of RockandBrock.com. Also Appearing: Golden Garden, NMotion (Not a boy band.) Fancy E: Nah
QUEENSBOROUGH SHOPPING CENTER
Star Tenant: The largest of Mount Pleasant’s three Publix. Also what is the plural of Publix?
Watering Hole: Locals
Good Eats: The bomb sushi at Locals Also Appearing: Clarey’s Liquors, Animal Eye Care Associates, Angels &Rascals Fancy E: No, but they could have gotten away with one
ANNA KNAPP PLAZA/FAIRMOUNT SHOPPING CENTER Owned by the same company and they’re adjacent, so they mutated into a Super Shopping Center. Watering Hole: Tru Blue’s House of Wings Good Eats: Probably fiveof Mount Pleasant’s top 15 restaurants: Congress, Kanpai, Cuoco Pazzo, Charleston’s Cafe, Cinco Tex-Mex (should it ever open) Fancy E: No, but there is a silent K
CRICKENTREE SHOPPING CENTER One of innumerable smaller centers lining Mount Pleasant thoroughfares, Crickentree is home to arguably the best all-time pun-name retailer: Consigning Women & Men. Consigning Women! Could you imagine Julia Sugarbaker at a consignment shop? LOLZ. No, you could not. The 37-year-old shopping center was also once home to From Here to Maternity. Pun game is strong. Star Tenant: I think we just covered that. Watering Hole: None. RIP Village Tavern. Good East: Five Loaves Also Appearing: Eyecare Center of Mount Pleasant Fancy E: No
NEW MARKET CENTRE/STUCKEY FURNITURE
Literally in the shadow the Bowman Road flyover. Once home to a Blockbuster Video. Star Tenant: Stuckey Furniture Watering Hole: None since Kickin’ Chicken moved to greener pastures. The e-cig store will have to do. (Aside: Are vape shop and e-cig store interchangeable?) Good Eats: Asian Flavor, possibly. Also Appearing: Nothing Bundt Cake (That pun takes the pie.) Fancy E: Yessir
BOWMAN PLACE Once considered as a location for Mount Pleasant Town Hall, a massive 2015 renovation saw the removal of a Soviet-era KMart and a Little Caesars. Alas, RIP The Keg Club. Star Tenant: Dick’s Sporting Goods Watering Hole: TBD
Good Eats: Kairos Greek Kitchen from chef John Ondo of Lana fame seems to have real potential. Also Appearing: Urban Cookhouse, MidiCi (coming soon), J. Crew Mercantile, Nordstrom Rack, DSW Designer Show (It’s a fancy strip, what can we say?)
Fancy E: Surprisingly, no
HIGHWAY 17 NORTH
WANDO CROSSING: The parking lot features a main lane that bisects the entire blacktop from the entrance to the front door of Staples. Along the way is a seemingly unmitigated series of turnoffs and pull-through spaces. Anything goes! Star Tenant: Walmart Watering Hole: None Good Eats: We’ll say the recently opened Jim ‘N Nick’s is nearby enough. Also Appearing: Marshall’s, TJ Maxx, Michaels, 5 Below (Also not boy band.) Fancy E: No
MOUNT PLEASANT TOWN CENTRE The retail behemoth of Mount Pleasant. Pro tip: The Mount Pleasant Police Substation there doesn’t sell hoagies, so don’t ask. Star Tenant: Belk Watering Hole: P.F. Chang’s (Ask my long-time associate Zach Wiegand about that. He is the Norm of P.F. Chang’s. Wiegand!)
Good Eats: Grimaldi’s Pizzeria
Also Appearing: Regal Palmetto Grande Stadium16 (fancy E!), Barnes & Noble, a bunch of high-class stores we probably can’t afford. Other notes: Five (5) roundabouts up in there. … Hand sanitizer stations are denoted on all maps.
Fancy E: Of course
SWEETGRASS CORNER You might think this is part of Town Centre. You would be wrong. Star Tenant: Bi-Lo Watering Hole: Charleston Sports Pub Good Eats: Tsunami, Taco Bell (Deal with it!) Also Appearing: Thomas Family Barber Shop, Marco’s Pizza Fancy E: No
MARKET AT OAKLAND The sweetgrass basket monument is cool. Star Tenant: Walmart Good Eats/Watering Hole: Chains for days — East Bay Deli, Wild Wing Cafe, La Hacienda, Wasabi, McDonald’s, Jersey Mike’s, Pizza Hut and a Chick-Fil-A that absolutely prints money. Also Appearing: At one point there was a Goin’ Postal location here. Who signed off on that name!? Fancy E: No
NATIONAL CROSSING Tenants include a bar, a gun store and an e-Cig depot. Star Tenant: Palmetto State Armory Watering Hole: Manhattan’s Good Eats: Peking Gourmet … It’s the closest Chinese takeout to us and you could do worse. Also appearing: Shear Madness, Accurate Chiropractic Fancy E: What do you think?
BELLE HALL Star Tenant: Yet another Harris Teeter. Watering Hole:Dog and Duck Good Eats: Restaurants seem to cycle out of here pretty quickly. The Granary, Pawley’s Front Porch, Hubee-D’s, Finn’s and more have all come and gone. (RIP Beef ‘O’ Brady’s.) There’s an Italian restaurant there. Is it good? Maybe! Also Appearing: Wonder Works Fancy E: I do declare